The Christmas Raccoons: My Version
by Joel-Robert-Dayton
Summary: My version of The Raccoons.


The Christmas Raccoons: My Version

**Disclaimer, I don't own The Raccoons**

**Bob and Dottie are my characters.**

**Enjoy**

Somewhere on this earth, most likely a ways north and a short distant past the horizon, lies the Evergreen Forest. There are trees so big, that the forest animals make their homes in them. There's also the people who look after the forest, like the chief ranger Dan and his 2 kids, Julie and Tommy. Oh and Schaeffer of course. Yep life here is pretty good. That is it was, until one day. The day before the day before Christmas, when a strange mystery began to unfold.

The phone rang. Dan answered it. "Hello? Yes. WHAT. You're sure? That's awful. I'll be right there. Bye." He hung up. "Hmm," he said as he scratched his chin.

"What's wrong dad?" asked Tommy.

"It seems the forest is disappearing. Over half the trees are gone. Chopped down," he answered.

"What are you going to do dad?" Tommy asked worriedly.

"Right now, I'm off to start looking for clues," he answered as lifted Tommy into his arms. "And you 2 are off to bed."

Schaeffer leaped into the chair started to fall asleep.

"And you Schaeffer," said Dan.

Schaeffer groaned and headed into the kids room.

"You can save the Evergreen Forest, can't you daddy?" Julie asked hopefully.

Schaeffer jumped up on the bed.

"I sure hope so honey," said Dan. "Now don't you or Tommy worry about it okay?"

He tucked them in and kissed them goodnight. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," the kids said together. They exchanged worried glances.

The kids dreamt about the forest and all the good times they'd had.

It's a funny thing about dreams. Sometimes when you're smack dab in the middle of one, everything seems so real, that you'd never guess you were dreaming. Of course Julie and Tommy weren't the only ones enjoying themselves. A short distance away, some of the forest creatures were also having fun, as they prepared for Christmas.

In one of the trees, a young, newly married raccoon couple, Ralph Raccoon and his lovely wife Mellissa were almost finished decorating. Ralph was wearing a red scarf and Mellissa was wearing a pink sweater and winter hat.

"How's this?" asked Ralph, who had just put up the Mistletoe.

"Mmm. Perfect," answered Mellissa. "Mistletoe always gets me in the proper Christmas spirit."

They giggled, nuzzled noses and passionately kissed under the Mistletoe.

"Merry Christmas Mellissa."

"Merry Christmas Ralph."

They smiled adoringly and kissed again.

When they were finished, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," they called.

Three more raccoons stepped in. One was wearing a red and yellow sweater, with a capital B on the front. His name is Bert. His parents, Bob and Dottie were behind him. Dottie was wearing a white sweater and Bob was wearing a knitted red sweater, with Christmas trees and snowflakes on the front.

"Good morning," they said together.

"Good morning," said Ralph and Mellissa.

"Wow, said Dottie. "Your place looks great."

"Yeah," said Bob. "I love the tree."

Bert sniffed the air. "And I love the smell of those Christmas cookies in the oven. When are they going to be ready?"

"Bert," Dottie said sternly.

Bert giggled nervously. "Just kidding."

"Actually they should be ready any minute," said Mellissa. She went to check on them. The timer dinged as she entered. "Oh, what do you know?"

Bert and his parents sat on the couch. "Ah what a Raccoondominium. What a season," said Bert.

Ralph opened the paper and Mellissa came in with a plate of cookies. "Thanks," everyone answered.

"Who wants to help me hang the Christmas stockings?" asked Mellissa.

"I would," said Dottie.

"Ralph?" said Mellissa. Ralph didn't move.

"Bert?"

"After I gather my strength," answered Bert, who was falling asleep.

Bob got up to help.

"IT'S AN OUTRAGE," shouted Ralph.

"What?" asked Mellissa.

"Thousands of the forest trees have disappeared," answered Ralph.

"What. How?" asked Bob.

"Well maybe they've all gone on their uh Christmas vacation," suggested Bert.

"Uh I can't believe it," said Ralph. "They've been cut down."

"Well," said Mellissa. "At least we live in a safe neighborhood."

"I wonder," said Ralph. "Look." He showed everyone the paper.

"Oh no," said Mellissa.

"Yeah," said Bob.

"I don't think any of the trees are safe," said Dottie.

The raccoons were indeed right. No tree in the Evergreen Forest was safe anymore. At that very moment, the forest menace Cyril Sneer, accompanied by his Collage graduate son Cedric Sneer, was actually eying the raccoon's trees with greedy glee.

"Ah Cedric my boy. Look at these fine specimens, ripe and ready for me to cut them down." He laughed maniacally.

"B but pop," said Cedric. "Don't you think we've got enough trees?"

"Enough? Enough?" said Cyril. "There's never enough."

"But pop," said Cedric. "You're already the biggest lumber baron around. Why not ease off?"

The old aardvark wouldn't listen. "Not while there's power in my chainsaw." He laughed some more. "I'm Cyril Sneer. A lumber profiteer. Whenever I'm near, trees disappear. Got that Cedric?"

"Shh sure pop, but I've been calculating. You're over your lumber quota by 17.3 times. You're breaking the forest rules."

"Cedric," said Cyril. "You take all that accounting stuff you learned at that high fludden eastern collage and use it to juggle the books." He laughed.

"Wouldn't it be easier to be honest?" asked Cedric.

"Honest," answered Cyril. "Who makes big bucks being honest? Now get back to work." He started his chainsaw. "Time is money. Time is running out. I will not be run out of money," he answered as he ran down the row of trees, cutting down every last one.

Back at the Raccoondominium, everyone could hear the roar of the chainsaw.

"Uh I thought this was the quiet part of the forest," complained Bert.

"It is," said Mellissa. She suddenly noticed the noise. "It was."

"Sounds like a hoard of broken air conditioners," said Bert, as he put cushion over his head.

"Worse," said Bob. "Sounds like a chainsaw."

"Chainsaw?" asked Dottie. "No one's allowed to cut down the trees in this part of the forest."

"MORE TREES," shouted Cyril. "ALL FOR ME," he added as pushed one causing the others fall like dominoes. He laughed.

The raccoon's trees crashed down, with them inside. "LOOK OUT. WHOAAAAAH," shouted Ralph, as they all landed outside. Their trees rolled down a hill.

Meanwhile the kids and Schaeffer were sledding. "Weeeee," they shouted. They suddenly stopped near the raccoon's trees. They looked at the smaller one.

"What a perfect tree," said Julie.

"I wish it was ours," said Tommy.

"Nobody seems to want it," said Julie. "Let's take it home and surprise daddy."

"Oh yes," agreed Tommy. "What do you say Schaeffer?"

Schaeffer panted excitedly.

"Then it's unanimous," said Julie. "We've got our Christmas tree."

"But which one?" asked Tommy.

"How about the smaller one?" said Julie. "It'll be easier to carry."

"All right," said Tommy. "Let's get it home."

They hoisted it onto their sled and headed back to the cabin. Schaeffer landed on his head. "Oh Schaeffer," said Tommy.

The raccoons were stunned. They couldn't believe their eyes. Ralph and Mellissa's home had been dragged away by 2 little humans and a big dog. Ralph reckoned the kids and the dog were the ones who were destroying the forest.

"They've taken our home," said Ralph.

The others agreed and Mellissa was bound and determined to follow her broken home and rescue their Christmas stockings.

"Come on," she said. "Don't just stand there."

The others followed.

Over at the lumber mill, Cedric counted up the trees they'd cut.

"That's the last of them pop."

Cyril stomped around. "There's 2 missing," he answered.

"2 trees," said Cedric. "Big deal." He frowned.

"2 trees equals 200 feet of pure money," said Cyril as he climbed a wood pile. "And sonny boy that's a big deal. Didn't they teach you in collage that money doesn't grow on trees? It is trees."

"But pop," argued Cedric. "You lumber licence expires at midnight. Why don't we just stick with trees we've already got?"

"Not on your bottom dollar Cedric," answered Cyril. "I've got the rest of the day. Enough time for me to get every tree in the Evergreen Forest. They're all to be mine. MINE. Do you hear me boy? Every tree for me." He laughed.

Back at the cabin the kids were almost finished decorating the tree. Tommy hung the last ball. "There. That better?" he asked Schaeffer.

Schaeffer nodded yes.

"Come on Tommy," said Julie. "Let's go get Daddy's present."

"Schaeffer," said Tommy. "Want to come to town with us?"

Schaeffer stretched and yawned as he laid down. He shook his head no.

The kids bundled up.

"Now you guard the house Schaeffer," said Julie. She closed the door and they left.

Schaeffer didn't know it, but the raccoons had been biding their time, waiting for the best moment to retrieve their stockings. And now they were sure that moment had come. As soon as the kids were out of sight they stepped over to the chimney.

"How do we know there's not a fire down there?" asked Bert as he stuck his head down the chimney.

"No smoke," answered Mellissa.

"It could be a small fire," argued Bert.

"Come on Bert," said Ralph. "It's all downhill from heaaarrr," he said as jumped down the chimney. Mellissa followed suit.

Bert shrugged and was about to follow. "Bert sweetie. You be careful," Dottie called from the ground.

"Yeah," said Bob. "You never know what dangers may be lurking in there."

"Come on mom and dad," Bert called back. "I'm 17. I can handle myself."

"Sometimes I wonder," said Bob.

Bert leaped down the chimney.

Bob and Dottie hurried up to the window to keep watch.

Bert landed hard on the hearth rug. "Wow," he said spotting the Raccoondominium. "Look at the bright lights. And the tinsel." He wrapped his arms around his friends. "Hey your home's gone Hollywood."

"Personally, I've always preferred the natural look," said Mellissa.

"To late for that now," said Ralph. "Honey you go get the Christmas stockings."

Mellissa hurried over to the Raccoondominium and spotted Schaeffer. She leaped onto the stool. Bert and Ralph came around and screeched to a halt.

"Ah he doesn't scare me," said Bert.

"If you want to keep it that way, then don't wake him up," said Ralph. "Mellissa the stockings."

Mellissa leaped up the branches.

"Oh," said Bert lifting Schaeffer's ear. "I wonder what he's got under here."

"Bert," said Ralph. "Let the sleeping dog lie."

"Ah he can't lay a paw on me," said Bert swinging his fists.

Ralph looked up. Mellissa popped out of the branches with stockings and a ball fell.

"Yikes," said Ralph. He tried to catch the ball, but missed and it broke, waking Schaeffer.

Schaeffer saw Bert and started growling. Bert screamed and ran.

Ralph ran between them and Schaeffer went after him. He caught Ralph's scarf. Mellissa grabbed Schaeffer's tail. They wrestled. Schaeffer stopped and panted as Mellissa seized her chance to escape.

Ralph dropped the stockings and ran as Schaeffer came after him and Mellissa. Schaeffer knocked the decorations off the tree. Bert popped out of a box.

"Oh no the stockings," said Mellissa as she was about to retrieve them.

"COME ON MELLISSA," shouted Ralph. "FORGET THE STOCKINGS."

Bert stood by the door panting and suddenly fell through the dog door. Ralph and Mellissa leaped through with Schaeffer giving chase.

The 5 raccoons ran for it. "HE'S RIGHT ON MY TAIL," shouted Bert.

"FASTER," shouted Bob.

They slid down a hill to the shore and quickly boarded a sail sled. Schaeffer ran along the shoreline. They continued to twist and turn all over the lake and finally crashed on the shore. They quickly got up and ran. Schaeffer was starting to tire.

As they ran down another hill, Schaeffer tripped and rolled over the others creating a huge snow ball. They crashed into a wall.

Bert groaned. "Oh no. It's my ears. I think they're broken. I can't stop them from ringing."

Schaeffer groaned. "Oh mine too."

Everyone looked at him surprised.

"The beast talks," said Bert.

"Listen. Do you hear that?" asked Dottie. She and Mellissa looked in a window. "Look," they said together.

"I can't believe it," said Mellissa as the others joined them. They looked around in shock. It was a lumber mill and there were workers and machines cutting up the felled trees. Bert and his parents recognized one as their home, which had been recovered and was being cut up.

"SPEEP IT UP," shouted Cyril. "THIS ISN'T A GARDEN PARTY. I WANT TO SEE SOME SWEAT."

"Pop," said Cedric. "I've been calculating the time it takes to turn one tree into 2 X 4s. Our workers are working at peak capacity."

"YOU'VE GOT TO DRIVE THEM UNTIL THEY DROP," shouted Cyril. "FASTER. OR YOU'LL FEEL DISATER. CUT ME MORE TREES. THAT'S MY DECREE." He laughed.

Ralph looked at Schaefer. "Then it wasn't you."

"Wasn't me what?" asked a confused Schaeffer.

"Destroying the forest," answered Ralph.

"Now why would I do a stupid think like that?" asked Schaeffer. "And why did you break into my house?"

"To get to our house," answered Mellissa.

"That tree you have, used be our home," said Ralph.

Schaeffer felt ashamed. "I had no idea. I never would have chased you if I'd known." He put his paws behind his back. "Can you forgive me?"

"Yes," everyone said together.

Schaeffer smiled. "My name's Schaeffer." He shook hands with everyone. "It's very nice to meet all of you. Can we be friends?"

The raccoons nodded yes and they became friends on the spot and decided that together, they would stop the evil Cyril Sneer. Now all they needed was plan. They went into a huddle and went over what to do. If Cyril Sneer had known that 5 raccoons and a dog were plotting against him, he'd probably just keel over laughing. Never had anyone been able to stop him from doing what he wanted. Never.

_ Cyril checked the charts. "How many trees in the Evergreen Forest are still standing?"_

"Uh 2064," answered Cedric.

"I want them," demanded Cyril. "All of them. NOW." He ripped the chart off the wall.

"But pop," protested Cedric. "You've already chopped down 37,591. That's over 1,218,453 2 X 4s. Why not leave a few trees, so folks can remember what they look like?"

"Remember what they look like," answered Cyril imitating his son. "THE ONLY THING YOU'LL NEED TO REMEMBER IS THAT TREES EQUAL MONEY."

"Oh pop it's Christmas eve. How about a break first, could we dip into the petty cash? Buy a little egg nog?"

"Petty cash?" said Cyril. "There's only cash and there's never enough of it. AND THERE'S NOTHING PETTY ABOUT THAT." He grabbed Cedric's bow tie. "WE'RE GETTING THOSE TREES NOW." He dragged Cedric out of the office.

The raccoons and Schaeffer were waiting outside the front door. As soon as Cyril and Cedric stepped outside they were tackled. Cyril got free.

"Take that," said Mellissa, as she threw a snow ball at Cyril.

"And this," said Dottie, who did the same.

Cyril groaned angrily. "YOU CRAZY DAMES."

Schaffer grabbed him by the neck and they wrestled some more.

"SAVE ME POP. SAVE ME," shouted Cedric as Ralph and Bob bent his legs.

"SAVE YOURSELF," shouted Cyril. They continued wrestling.

Schaeffer and Bob held them by their noses.

"LET GO OF ME YOU OVERSIZED SHAG RUG," shouted Cyril.

"WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO YOU?" shouted Cedric.

"Done?" asked Ralph. "Why you 2 are ecological disasters."

"YEAH," shouted Bert.

"Forest destroyers," said Schaeffer.

"Home wreckers," said Mellissa.

"Greedy," said Dottie.

"Selfish," said Bob.

"YEAH," shouted Bert.

"You're finished," said Ralph.

"Yeah finished," said Bert.

"Pop we should've stopped after we reached our quota. I, I told you so."

"You ungrateful ingrate," said Cyril. "Why do you think I slaved to make money all these years?"

"Greed," guessed Cedric.

"Greed?" asked Cyril. "Never. I did it all for you. You and your precious Collage education."

"Are you kidding?" asked Ralph.

"I ask you," Is it a crime for a father to want to give his son the good life?"

"That's so sad," said Bert.

"And after all," continued Cyril. "What are a few trees?"

"A FEW TREES," shouted Ralph. "A FOREST IS MORE THAN A FEW TREES."

"Who's counting?" asked Cyril.

"Actually pop," said Cedric. "The exact number you chopped down was."

Cyril clapped a hand over Cedric's mouth. "Shut up you fool."

"It's no good Mr. Sneer," said Ralph. "Your forest wrecking days are over."

"Hey," said Cyril. "Why pick on me? There's a lot of other lumber barons around."

"There's a lot of responsible lumber barons around," said Ralph. "That means they only cut down a few trees and those they replace with new baby trees."

"Hey," said Cedric. "That's not such a bad way of doing business pop. There's money in reforesting. I learned that in ecology and economics 101."

"Money?" asked Cyril. "Money? How much money?"

"Plenty pop," answered Cedric. "You can expect an annual growth of 17.4%."

Schaeffer let go of their noses. Cyril thought for a moment. "Hmm. You know I could consider doing some replanting. Ah but those seedlings are going to cost me money." Schaeffer tied his nose in a knot. "I'll do it. I'll do it. Cedric. Stop loitering and get on the phone with the seedling suppliers right now."

Cedric ran back inside.

"Hey buster," said Mellissa. If you know what's good for you, you'll get us new homes pronto."

"Yeah," said Dottie. "This better not happen again, or it's curtains for you."

"We did it," said Bert. "We saved the forest. Ha. They were push overs."

Ralph rolled his eyes.

"SCHAEFFER. SCHAEFFER. HERE BOY."

"Uh-oh," said Schaeffer. "Those are my kids. I guess it's time to head home." He let go of Cyril's nose.

Schaeffer trudged slowly home with the 5 raccoons on his back. The animals were happy they'd saved the Evergreen Forest, but they were sad too, because the raccoons had no home for Christmas.

Bert groaned. "Are we home yet?"

"If you want to call this home," said Mellissa.

"And that," added Dottie.

"Yeah," said Ralph. "It'll just be a little drafty though."

"And gloomy," said Bob.

"It's a rotten shame," said Schaeffer. "I wish there was something I could do to help."

They continued on. "I can't think of anything," said Mellissa.

"Me neither," said Schaeffer. "But maybe some inspiration will come to me."

They reached the cabin. "You're a good friend Schaeffer," said Ralph. "Merry Christmas."

"Yeah, Merry Christmas," said the others.

"To you too," he answered as he pushed opened the dog door. "Don't give up hope." He went inside.

The 5 raccoons huddled together and cried. Schaeffer watched them from the window and cried too.

The kids came home and redecorated the tree.

"Schaeffer what happened?" asked Julie. "You were supposed to be guarding our tree."

"I've never decorated the same Christmas tree twice before," said Tommy.

Julie noticed the raccoon's Christmas stockings. "Hey. Where did this come from? It's not an ornament."

"Do you know what it is Schaeffer?" asked Tommy.

Schaeffer smiled and took the stocking. He led the kids to the window.

"Oh look," said Julie. "There's 5 raccoons."

"They seem kind of sad," said Tommy.

"Oh," said Julie. "Maybe our Christmas tree was their home."

As soon as Julie and Tommy realized that the raccoons were homeless, they decided something had to be done. And since their dad was the chief forest ranger, they figured he'd be able to help.

Julie hung up the phone. "Daddy's going to find them a new home," she said excitedly.

Schaeffer barked excitedly and ran outside with the stockings. The jumped and cheered for joy with the stockings returned. The kids stepped outside. "All right Schaeffer Merry Christmas," said Ralph.

Schaeffer licked the kid's faces and they suddenly found themselves in bed, with Schaeffer waking them.

"Schaeffer you silly dog," said Julie.

"Hey it's Christmas," said Tommy.

They jumped out of bed and ran to the living room.

"Good morning sleepy heads," said Dan, who was reading the paper.

When the kids got to the living room, they saw an empty spot, where the Christmas tree should've been. They returned to the kitchen confused.

"Hey," said Tommy. "Where's our Christmas tree?"

"We haven't gotten one yet," answered Dan. "We'll find one today."

The kids were disappointed. "Then it's not Christmas?" asked Julie.

"I must've been dreaming," said Tommy.

"Me too," said Julie. "About raccoons."

"And a tree," said Tommy.

"What are you 2 whispering about?" asked Dan.

"Oh nothing daddy," answered Julie. "Just a dream."

"Did you ever figure out the tree mystery dad?" asked Tommy.

"No," answered Dan, scratching his chin. "The funny thing is the trees stopped disappearing, just like that. It says here that overnight thousands of seedlings were planted, but they don't know who did it."

Schaeffer barked and the kids ran over to the window. They saw a man who had just planted 2 new trees right outside the cabin. The raccoons, who were covered with snow, saw them and jumped for joy.

Ralph and Mellissa ran to the smaller one and Bert and his parents took the bigger one. They smiled and waved to Schaeffer and the kids, who did the same. The raccoons zipped up into their trees. It looked like they would have a Merry Christmas after all.

The mystery of those new trees never was solved by the rangers. But the young trees grew strong and tall. Each year a few became Christmas trees, but many more remained standing and the Evergreen Forest was never again in danger, because from that Christmas on, it was protected by 5 raccoons and a dog.

**The end. I hope everyone enjoyed. Thanks for reading. More still to come.**


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